


what's waiting in the bushes of love

by crocs



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/F, Gratuitous Star Wars References, Spoilers For The Force Awakens (2014)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 06:01:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14254524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crocs/pseuds/crocs
Summary: It's not until the fifth suggested Star Wars-inspired dog name that Tracy cottons onto the fact that Thea might be a little bit obsessed.Tracy McConnell, Theodora Mosby and the Star Wars series throughout the years. It's a match that's sure to be legen — wait for it — dary.





	what's waiting in the bushes of love

It's not until the fifth suggested Star Wars-inspired dog name that Tracy cottons onto the fact that Thea might be a little bit obsessed.

Nevertheless, she pretends not to notice. There could be worst things for her girlfriend to be obsessed with. Tracy shudders. Like Top Idol, or Nickelback, or — and here Tracy's purely being bitter — obsessively collecting back-issues of Simpsons magazines.

(She dated a couple of weird people before Max, okay?)

So when Lando Barkrissian is introduced to the rest of Thea's gang — Robin fawning over him, and Barney declaring the dog to be a criminal mastermind hell bent on stealing his wife and, from what Tracy can tell, only half kidding — she can't help but smile.

Her little family's growing, after all. Her and Thea and Lando.

—

"Holy shit," says Thea as she opens the door, Lando's leash in hand. "Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit."

Tracy catches her eye in the reflection of the TV she's just mounted. She turns around. "Yeah?"

"Tracy, Tracy, Tracy," Thea chants as she drops her keys into the fruit bowl. She'll forget about the location in around three minutes, and when she has to go out again, she'll spend about two hours combing the house in every other spot until Tracy has to step in to 'save the day'. She kisses her on the cheek as she jogs over.

"Guess what Marshall and I worked out today," says Thea, rocking on her short heels.

"Guess —" — lean forward, _kiss_ — "— guess —" — lean forward, _kiss_ — "— guess —"

Tracy ducks her head back, giggling, "What?"

Thea smiles. "On New Years Eve," she leads, leaning backwards onto the couch arm behind her, "we should watch A New Hope. At precisely..." She checks her phone. "...10 hours, 2 minutes and 48 seconds at night."

"I — okay, why?"

"'Cause when it's midnight," Thea pushes herself forwards with a grunt, "the Death Star will explode. Then we can kick the New Year off with a bang."

Tracy laughs. "Sure, let's do it." Lando butts her leg with his head and boofs. She leans down to scratch his head.

Thea boggles. "What? You — uh, you're sure?"

Tracy furrows her eyebrows in suspicion, mock playful. "Unless there's a reason I shouldn't?"

"I just — it's the first time I've stayed up on New Years Eve without Marshall and Lily there. I didn't know if you'd be up for it."

"Staying up until midnight for Star Wars? Nope," Tracy shakes her head, aware of how still Thea goes and how her eyes widen. She draws it out long enough to be counted as cruel. "But staying up until midnight for you? Yeah, I'm down for that, T.M."

Thea shakes herself out of her stupor, huffing a laugh. "You wicked, wonderful woman," she accuses, and pats herself down for the keys she put in the bowl. Tracy brandishes her own set, undoes them from her carabiner key chain, and pushes them into Thea's cold hands, squeezing them a bit as she does.

"Walkies, Lando!" Thea sprints over to the hall, and Lando yips and bounds after her, leash in mouth.

"I love you!" She calls back from the hallway, and the door shuts behind her with a drafty slam.

"I know," Tracy murmurs, and picks up her carpenter's level.

—

It's 3AM. Lando paws at the bedroom door, howling.

Tracy tries to smother out the noise with her pillow. Thea shifts and snuggles up to her.

"You're like a sloth," Tracy whispers to herself, slightly delirious from the late set the night before and the lack of sleep. "A big cuddly human sloth."

Thea opens her eyes blearily. "Wha'? You say something?"

Tracy blinks. "Uh, no," she covers up. She tilts her head towards the door. "Lando, you know."

"Oh," says Thea, more alert now. She sits up slightly. Tracy groans. "We should let him in."

"No _oooooo_ ," Tracy pleads, squeezing her arm as she fights a losing battle. "If we let him in, he'll learn that he can come into our room whenever, and I don't need him in here when we — you know —"

Even in the dark, she can see her partner roll her eyes. "Come on, Trace," she rouses, softly elbowing her. "If Lando’s anything like his Cloud City counterpart, he'd know when to stay out."

"No, he wouldn't," Tracy counters. "He gave up the heroes to the Empire, the traitor."

At Thea's slightly confused look, she sighs. "The man, not our dog."

Said dog howls again for emphasis.

"He's unhappy," Thea pouts, and Tracy relents. She unlatches herself from Thea, slips into her slippers and opens the door. Lando comes bounding in and lays out on the warm spot she just left.

"Budge over, you Wookiee," she chastises, and doesn't see Thea's face break out into a loving smile in the dark.

**—**

One November, about a couple of months into their newly minted 'serious relationship', Tracy opens the door to screams.

"Thea," she pants, running into the office, Lando at her heels, "honey, what’s wrong —"

Thea grips her by the shoulders.

"Honey, look!" she releases one arm and gestures towards the open YouTube page on the family computer, and Tracy finally sees what the screaming was about.

 _Star Wars: The Force Awakens_ , the plain text reads under the paused video, _Official Teaser_.

"Wow," sums up Tracy, in shock. "Did you know about this — I mean, was it announced beforehand in any way?"

Thea shakes her head thoroughly. "I had no idea. None. I knew Disney had bought Lucasfilm, but, no, none at all. I've watched it like ten times already."

Tracy minimises the browser window on their computer. Lando whines, and trots off back down the stairs, goal achieved.

"Oh, my god, I have to call Marshall."

**—**

Tracy and Lily walk out of the cinema and the midnight premiere, sharing looks as their partners trail behind them, teary eyed.

"Man, I can't believe Han died," Marshall lifts his Chewbacca cosplay mask and dabs his eyes delicately.

Thea shakes her hair, freeing it from her Princess Leia wig. "I can't believe that Han and Leia got _space divorced_."

Lily hums under her breath. "I can't believe we spent twenty dollars on premier seats when the people who decided to sit in them refused to move and we had to sit on the stairs," she says pointedly.

"I can't believe Thea proposed to my doppelgänger," says Tracy, shaking her head.

(A story for another day, maybe.)

—

Thea pokes her belly as she lowers herself onto the couch and lifts her blanket over Tracy. "Hey."

Tracy smiles. "Hey, yourself." She leans on the side of the coffee table as she reaches for the chip bag. "What are we watching?"

"I'm rewatching Rogue One with Barney." Barney waves from under his stitched-together suit-quilt. "You and Baby want to join in?"

"I might get a little emotional at the end, but Baby just kicked, so I think we're staying."

Thea's face lights up. "They did?"

"Oh, yeah," Tracy groans. "Little quarterback, this one. Wanna feel?"

Thea nods and gingerly lays her hand on her baby. Her mouth opens. "I felt it," she whispers.

"Hey, how's your side of the name list going?"

"I mean, I've got a few."

"Do they include Luke and Leia?"

"I — maybe."

Tracy stares at Thea and points a finger at her wife. "No Star Wars names. I mean it. If you were the one carrying the baby, then yeah, okay, I’d allow it — but I don't want my kid growing up with a name like Jar-Jar."

Barney gasps and clutches his tie on his quilt. "I'd never let Theodora name my godchild something like _Jar-Jar_ ," he exclaims, spitting the name like it was poison.

Thea doesn't look at him. "You're not going to be godfather."

"Why not?" Barney whines, head tilting into the familiar disagreement as he slouches, pouting. "I'm your best friend!"

"Marshall's my best friend."

"Uh, would Marshall sit and watch Rogue One with you?"

Marshall emerges from the hallway, whistling, in his nightgown. "Hey, guys!" He greets as he flops onto the chair next to the couch. Lando leaps onto his lap, tail wagging.

Barney audibly seethes from his corner for the rest of the movie.

—

Penny sighs loudly as she enters the kitchen. She tries to pick up a piece of fruit from the bowl but ends up with the house keys in her hand instead.

"I am never listening to one of Mom's stories again," she claims, boosting herself up onto a chair at the breakfast bar.

"Hey," protests Tracy, "I tell great stories."

"She meant other Mom," Luke shuts the fridge door and grabs his book from the counter top. Love in The Time of Cholera. "We like your stories. They're short."

"Your Mom just likes to embellish her stories a bit."

Penny rolls her eyes. "Yeah, but that one felt like it took, like, nine years to finish."

"What was it about?"

"How I met you." Two arms snake around her waist as a head rests on her shoulders. "Hey."

"Hey, yourself. Did you tell them about the yellow umbrella, T.M.?"

"She told us about way more than that. I did not need to know about Aunt Robin and Mom's relationship, by the way. I don't even know if Luke knows what Friends with Benefits is."

Luke doesn't raise his head from his book. "I do now."

"Was telling them about that really necessary?" Tracy whispers.

Thea shrugs. "I wanted to give them the full picture. That includes everything, warts and all."

"Robin would murder you if she knew you'd called her 'warts'." Tracy raises her voice, and says, "Okay, how about we have a treat tonight then? Star Wars. We can watch the original trilogy together."

Penny blinks. "Yeah, no."

Luke shuts his book. "And watch you two make out, scarring me forever? No thanks, Mom."

"Looks like it's just us, then," Tracy surmises.

Thea grins and pulls her in close. "Just you and me, Princess."

Tracy kisses her. She can hear the kids loudly protesting, but she doesn't care.

"I love you," she says quietly when they break apart.

Thea's grin softens.

"I know."

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a lyric from _Bushes of Love_ , Bad Lip Reading's parody of The A New Hope. I'm not even sorry.


End file.
